Ok. So one of the reasons i started this blog was to document my decade. My bravery, my life, new beginnings, etc. I applied to a Master of Science Counseling program for the summer. It looks like i may be able to start June, but we're still working that part out. This took MAJOR bravery on my part. I know that i don't want to be where i am career wise (though it will be hard to leave this career), but i know that i may end up in Waco for a little while longer. Starting this degree is a way to stay busy, use my brain and become a little braver in my endeavors.
I also have recently been keeping up with an old friend (part of that precarious situation) and we have been able to clear the air about A LOT of things that went wrong in our friendship/relationship. One of the things that kept getting pointed out was that i am way more open now than i was then. Well, there was no way that i was ready to be open then, and i credit that relationship for doing that for me.
I have always known that you can learn the best things from the worst situations. Being able to make amends with this person, is proof of that. It occurred to me in the conversations that i was not so much mad as i was still hurt. I don't know which is worse. The anger and hurt both cause a little bitterness, but i think that the hurt is what causes the fear. It's natural instinct, i think, to try not to repeat past pain. Fear is what replaces that pain. You're afraid of getting hurt again, so you don't dare venture out into the same area. Life is funny that way. Most of the time, the things that you are afraid of are the very things you must face to be able to grow.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
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