Friends

Recently, my car broke down. I was with my mother and it was just before 10pm. There were quite a few people i could call to come and pick us up, but my Mom's words were, "No, it's late. Everyone is probably settled for the night." I told her that i would not hesitate to pick up someone that called me. She said, "Sometimes the things that you would do for people would not necessarily be returned, and don't assume that they will be."
A year ago, i would have thought she was crazy, but Bob has taught me otherwise.
From previous posts, Bob has been that one friend. He is/was so important to me, but there were always conditions with Bob. Nothing was ever cut and dry, black and white. He knows me better than anyone, but still fails to understand me. There are people that i can call for anything, anytime, anywhere, and i foolishly assumed (you know that whole thing about assuming) that no matter what happened, we would always be ok.
Apparently, however, making sure that things are on the up and up where our relationship is concerned is too much of a request. One that cannot be handled for whatever reason. This roller coaster ride that was our "friendship" is over because he couldn't handle the answer to one single question that would give me some peace of mind. This is what leads to him not understanding me. Everything about our relationship matters. Even if he feels it is insignificant, it matters to me. It's unfortunate that he cannot see that sometimes it's not all about him. Most of the time in fact it's not at all about him, but about the fact that i have this friend with whom i can share anything, and have a great history with.
I have come to realize that there are deal breakers in every relationship. My violating his personal space was his. His loss, but sad nonetheless. I will still be one of the best friends he ever had. And he will certainly be one of mine.
I have learned that being too selfless can be a problem.....for me. I make myself too available. However, i'm not sure that i know how else to be. It's not that i can't say no. It's just that i like helping. People ask and if i'm able, then i do.
Probably diagnostically irrelevant. Maybe this is perfectly fine. Maybe it will be years before i realize that it is not.