Wednesday, March 26, 2008

How do you spell discombobulated?

Because that's how i'm feeling today. Not bad really. Just a little rushed and hurried and unorganized -- you know discombobulated....

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Wonderful World of Words

There is always a story. There is not one person alive on this earth that is not fascinating or at the very least interesting. Everyone has something hidden inside them that makes them and their story brilliant. Some people are very willing and open in sharing what they go through and how they get through things. Others are very closed and reclusive. But the thing about words is that words grant a release. Words are therapeutic, cathartic, healing.
My life is entrenched in words. I began talking at a very early age and pretty much haven't stopped since. Growing up, i always new that i would have an oratorical profession. Words bring things to life. In Africa, a child's' name is not spoken until it is spoken by his father. The words of the father seal the fate of the child's' identity. The words of one person to another can change the fate of a situation. I seek to see everything through the power of words. That old adage of "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" is so not true. Words can speak life. Words can speak death. Words can make a person who they are meant to be and who they were never meant to be.
Today, i am feeling the positive angle of words. Today i am encouraged by words. Every positive word that has been spoken to me runs through my mind today. Every scripture that has helped to move me along is scrolling through the screen in my head. Today i am feeling the blessing and the burden of being a positive person. Today, i am feeling the urge to hang on to the things that God has promised me. Not by any material accounts. But the growth, the maturity, the spiritual guidance, the mentor-ship, the encouragement of being a spiritual sister to anyone who needs it -- anyone who seeks it. It always strikes me amazing that i can talk a jumper off of a ledge, but sometimes can't seem to do the same for myself. I'm still not sure why, but i'm getting there. I pray that my words will continue to be positive. I pray that the things in my head will continue to stay on the good side.
10For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. 11He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. 12For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil." 1 Peter 3:10-12

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Mi Familia

I am 31 years old. On both sides of my family i am the oldest girl. On one side, i am the oldest grandchild. This comes with great fun and responsibility. My family is HUGE. My Mom has 12 brothers and sisters. Between them all, i have about 45 or so first cousins. My dad has 5 brothers and sisters. Between them, i have about 30 or so first cousins. With big families comes enough drama to sustain a week day soap opera for years......truly. Steeped with murder, adultery and extortion this is the kind of stuff that Danielle Steele dreams about.
One sibling is always mad at another sibling for something ranging from serious to trivial. Both families have a black sheep or two, but certainly at least one. Both families have mother issues and anger issues and father issues. It's amazing that any of them have sense enough to survive.
One side has college grads. The other side has high school grads and many, many out of wedlock children. Ironically enough though, both sides have very good relationships with the people in the communities in which they live. Not much bad blood for anyone, and most of the children stay out of trouble.
Our holidays were always eventful. Ranging from fights that must be broken up to laughing so hard your belly literally aches.
What it all boils down to though, is that my family is pretty awesome. I can think of way more good times than bad times, though being the grandchild, there is probably still more that i am completely unaware of. But we love each other. Even in the times when the siblings hate each other and won't talk for months, i know that if they were staring into a casket, they would feel badly and miss their brother or sister. How do i know this? They bother to express their feelings one to another. I read somewhere that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. I tend to agree with that. If you hate someone, you're still wasting an emotion on them. But if you don't care, truly do not care whether they exist or not, well that's a different kind of feeling.
My family is not yet indifferent about anyone. My father's anger with his mother says that he still cares. My mothers disdain of my father means that she still has a connection with him. I'm hoping the indifference never comes. That we will always love or hate one another.
After all. In all of its psychosis, they are still my family.