Authenticity

The act of being genuine.
Of late i have been feeling very insincere. False really. Kind of on the surface. I can't really explain it except to say that i feel like i am trying too hard to fit into a space that i don't fit into. I'm not sure why i feel this way. I'm not sure of where i don't belong, but i do know that the feeling is frequent.....lately.

People Pleasing Codependency

Deep right? This what I have discovered about myself. Its not so much that I'm there for people's problems as much as in certain circumstances and with certain people, I 1. Cannot be completely honest with them and how the nature of our relationship may not be what's best for me and 2. Feel that as long as I feel like I am needed by these people, then I have to be there.
The bottom line for realizing all of this is that I should be trying to please God. Some relationships I have should be completely severed, but for those two reasons choose people over God and pleasing Him.
This is harder for me than almost anything. I care about these people A LOT. Some have been in my life for a long time, some just a little while. And truth be told, I don't really want to do it. But its not about me. If I can swing this, I think I will have turned a very important corner in my spiritual growth.
Even though I can't see God smiling when I do the right thing, I know that he is.

Doubt

Not too long after the last post, i realized that decisions can be made, but it does not mean that God is not able to make a miracle out of our mess.
Yes, we have free will, and yes we can do pretty much whatever we want/choose.
The good news is, no matter what decision we make, God can make the best of anything.
I'm leaning on that particular fact today.

1God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
Psalms 46:1-3

Go with your gut

What makes a person make certain decisions? Why do people, who supposedly have free will choose so wrongly so often? Even with good information and a belly full of doubt, a person will make a decision they know they should not be made.
Even in times when there was absolutely no doubt, i have still made a wrong decision. But it's those times when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are making the wrong decision that you make the decision anyway.
Just throwing it out there. Wondering for myself. Hoping to make it stop...