Monday, January 14, 2008

This is no time for fear....

This is a time for faith, and determination.
This is the first verse of one of my most favorite songs. The next sentence is
Don't lose the vision here.
I love this song. There are times when all of the mental pep talks in the world don't work on my worrying or anticipating or lack of self esteem.....
How is it that someone can become so deflated over so long? How can you go from conquering the world at age 5 to feeling like you're lucky to get through the day at age 25?
I started college 12 years ago thinking about finishing college and going law school. Somewhere in the mix of things, i talked myself out of it. I don't know where and when, but i decided that i would not or could not be a lawyer. I don't know.
Older and much, much wiser, i'm thinking that my dreams are not impossible. I am still quite viable and capable. Now, however i have to fight through a decade of complacency. Just being comfortable and getting by. Working hard to get by, but getting by. I haven't had to put forth any effort for anything that i've done. Well, i've decided that i want to work hard. I want to be better. I want to do greater things. I can do greater things.
I just don't want the next dozen years to be as unproductive as the last dozen years. I hope that in five years i can accomplish something that took more than just gumption to get through. I want to work hard for something. I want to be mentally challenged. I want to not wince when people call me smart. I want to actually feel smart; do something that's smart, and maybe even garner a little success by it.
So this is no time for fear. I can no longer be afraid by what i can accomplish. I have to remember that i began this 31 year old quest to do things that i had been afraid to do before. I want this decade to matter to me -- spiritually, mentally, socially and economically.
This is a time for faith and determination.

2 comments:

Another Conflict Theorist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Another Conflict Theorist said...

Peace Sis,

Hard work is for suckers.




Seriously though, I know that I don't have to tell you how capable you are. It sounds like you're afraid of trying to do something that you think might really require "smarts" because then you're sort of stripping yourself naked - if you fail, then you've proven to yourself that you're actually not so smart after all.

Listen, I'm (obviously) no psychologist but I think you might want to think about why you're afraid and confront those reasons prior to setting the world ablaze.