Clearing the Clutter

My brain is constantly full of random information. Stuff that doesn't need to be there. Stuff that should be there but i'm not sure what to do with it. Stuff people tell me. Stuff i tell myself. I am constantly thinking.....about anything and everything. Sometimes i wonder if the noise would stop would i be better off? Well, i'm going to try that and see.
I'm going to take up meditating on my Mom's advice and try to clear my mind. Most of the time, i am so mentally exhausted. Trying to remember the things that i am supposed to remember. Deciphering what's important and what's not. Lately, what's important has not been remembered and i hate that. I feel like my mind is older that it should be.
I tried last nite for the first time to sit down and think of nothing for 5 minutes. Every time i thought of "something", i would start my 5 minutes over. The longest i was able to make it was about 2 minutes and after 15 minutes i gave up. Baby steps.
I am so distracted by life, and i shouldn't be. It shouldn't be this hard to keep up with things. To keep up with myself.
My Mom also feels like (as do my BFFs) people are starting to drain me. Their problems and rantings and ravings about whatever. Even if i feel like i don't do much with it, because of my empathy it sits with me. Even without me realizing it. It's true, i know. So i believe i will limit my contact to my BFFs. The only thing is, my students come to me A LOT. I'm not really sure how to handle that part. I'll have to think about that for a minute.
Will i really be able to only talk to 4 people and my friend from church? I don't know. I need something other than what i have right now.
This morning, i closed my eyes and imagined my head on Gods' chest. Listening to breathing (does God breathe?). Feeling comfort and whole and unjudged and perfect. I wonder how people who don't believe in anything make it?
Today, i've been trying to chase the clutter from my mind whenever it comes up. Things that have nothing to do with what i'm doing right now for whatever purpose. The clutter comes to keep us from remembering that Jesus loves us.
I was at a very, very low point in my life once and the children's choir at the church i was attending sang Jesus Loves Me. (I'm sure i've told that story before). It was probably the most spiritual moment of my life. To hear that song come from the innocence of a chorus of children. To have that childlike faith again that everything will be okay because Jesus loves me!
Remembering that is the cornerstone to any Christian existence. Once you get that. Truly get that..... it makes all the difference in the world.
Just like you wouldn't want to disappoint your earthly parent, the same should hold true for your heavenly Father. Just because you can't see Him doesn't mean He's not there.
Sometimes i wonder if that isn't part of my clutter. Wanting so badly to do the right thing that i think too hard about doing the right thing and then when i do the wrong thing focusing too much on what i've done.....whew!
There's simplicity and complexity in walking with faith and purpose. It's simple because all you really have to do is believe and live according to the Word of God. It's complex because the deeper you get into it, the more you have to think about what you do and the motives behind it. You want to help, but are you looking for a reward after? You want to pray, but do you do it because you are supposed to or because you want to? You go to church, but do you go because you are supposed to or because you want to? Somethings become ritual, habit, expectations, obligations even. How does one discern the two? Well, spending time with God is the best way to figure out what is for you and what is not.
I hope that my efforts are fruitful. I hope that i continue to keep trying. I hope that my friends do not become distractions and clutter themselves. That would be bad.
I know that i am here to spend time with God alone. I know that i am here to learn. I know that i am here to grow, so i hope i accomplish these things so that i can move on.