Full of thought

I have been thinking and thinking about a lot the past few days. So this post will be a little long since i decided to go for one post as opposed to two or three different ones. As my regret turns to the shame that i must now fight, lots of things have been going through my mind. I say i must fight the shame because shame brings guilt, and since i have asked for and been given forgiveness, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.

The past six months have brought so much unneccessary pain into my life. Pain that has been brought on by only myself. God knew the ending before the beginning even came and we have a tendency to screw up everything in between. Our choices don't neccessarily make us who we are, but how we handle the choices we have made, that's what defines us. So i'm choosing to move on. I'm choosing to take my experiences and continue to grow. I'm choosing to be the example that someone may need someday to feel grace and redemption in making the same choices i have.

I am also thankful. Thankful that things did not turn out worse. Thankful that i can still be friends with my friend and know that everything is and always will be ok. I'm thankful that God intervened (as i knew he would have to in order to pull me out). I am thankful that through this process i have a support system that is amazing and right on time. Most of all, i am thankful for the grace that Christ died to give us. I am thankful that i have learned what my limitations are.

Do i wish i could have found all of that without this situation? Of course. But that is something that i must contend with and try to be aware of for the future.

I think more than anything, I want to be sure to make the grace of God an option for someone someday. But i also want to let them know that while God's grace is sufficiant, it can run it's course and run out. Like any parent, God does not want to be taken advantage of. So if the life lived is not one that you know God would be proud of, maybe that should change. There were so many behaviors that i fell back into over the past six months that i had hoped were at the very back of my mind. The important thing to remember is that God only wants what is best for us.

And the truth is, we should be discriminatory about what we listen to on the radio. We should watch what we say and the language we use. We should be careful of how we treat others. The bottom line all comes down to two things:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. AND

Love thy neighbor as thyself. Matthew 22:36-39

Here is proof that God does not appreciate the stubbornness of people who claim they are being "judged" by others.

Proverbs 1:20-33
20Wisdom calls aloud in the street, she raises her voice in the public squares;
21 at the head of the noisy streets [c] she cries out, in the gateways of the city she makes her speech:
22 "How long will you simple ones [d] love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge?
23 If you had responded to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you and made my thoughts known to you.
24 But since you rejected me when I called and no one gave heed when I stretched out my hand,
25 since you ignored all my advice and would not accept my rebuke,
26 I in turn will laugh at your disaster; I will mock when calamity overtakes you-
27 when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you.
28 "Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me.
29 Since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the LORD,
30 since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke,
31 they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes.
32 For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them;
33 but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm."
God's patience can run out. If you swear/cuss/use the Lord's name in vain, try to stop it. If you like pornos, sex, excessive drinking, try to stop it. If you enjoy the occassional song with questionable lyrics, try to stop it. I say try because, we have to have God's help with everything we do. If we make the effort, He will do the rest. If we draw unto Him, He will draw unto us. James 4:8 Why? Because obedience is better than sacrifice.
Live like God is following behind your every step everyday. This will ensure that you will watch your speech, watch your language, watch your gossip, watch your sexual habits, watch how you treat others. It's worth the effort. God has been too good to not follow his every word with more effort.