If you have never had your heart broken, you can never really understand the pain of heartache. I don't think there is anything in the world that cuts so incredibly deep and sucks the life purely out of you like heart break. Even the worst pain i have EVER had in my life cannot compare to the inner emptiness that comes from this. It is so indescribable that no one can give you words. It's, ironically enough, like trying to describe love. You don't know HOW it feels, but you feel it all the same.
For me, every time feels like the first time and every time, i cannot believe that i am getting my heart broken yet again. This is the stuff that bad romance novels are made of, except no one is coming to wisk me away.
I have tears that won't fall. Pain that can't be fixed with antiseptic, but at the same time, i am......hopeful.
Hopeful for the things i have in my life right now that are finally coming through that have nothing to do with a relationship.
Thankful that i don't need a relationship to make me happy, but that this too shall pass. It passed once before as much as possible to allow me the courtesy of living life. This should be no different.
I have a thirteen year old to mentor. A degree to obtain. A new career to start. A new church and new people to contend with. These are all very good things. And i am very excited about them.
I just think that my heart is finally getting the permission that my head would not give it before. To live and let live. I can grow from this. I can move on from this. I'm sticking to my no BS policy (and it is very very hard where some people are concerned). There are some that just aren't ready, willing or able to see the truth. I am now. It's ok now.
God needed to show me some things, and i needed to be able to see them.
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5 years ago