Blind Date

A few months ago, i decided to leave the fate of my love life in the hands of those who know me best. Since i'm not in a huge rush to get hitched, i figure maybe i should enlist some help. Maybe i'm oblivious to missed chances or opportunities to meet guys. I hang out with girls all the time. Most of them are married and most of their husbands get on my nerves. There is very little i see that makes me want to rush to the alter. So i figure, i'll leave it up to others. They care a little more than i do, and truth be told, i'd go to the alter with the right guy. I say all that to say that my good friend at work, who does not know that i have asked my family to look for me has set me up with a guy.
A blind date
*gasp*
I've never been on a blind date before. I'm a little nervous. I told my BFF that there is a chance he does not like me, or how i look or what we talk about. This is a good BFF for you, "well market research has shown that would not be possible. You kind of have to worry about what YOU will think of HIM. We all know you're awesome. Let's hope he is too."
Now it doesn't get much better than that.
I am still crushing on my crush. Poor clueless guy has no idea. He's younger than me so he may not even think there is anything there.
Dating is ambiguous. It's awkward and socially painful. I've never liked to date. Maybe that's why i don't really care about getting married. The stuff you have to go through to get there is not fun. At least for me it never has been. After a few failed relationships you sort of end up cynical and apathetic. Most of the people i know are getting divorced anyway. Those that are not getting a divorce, should. I don't like watching this institution of marriage. I wonder if i'm ready to give up that much of myself.
Getting married is a total dying of self for a woman. Especially someone in their 30's. You've been independent for a long time. You have taken care of yourself. You get complacent and career driven. So when you get married, you have to change some of that. Most of that really. You can't buy the pumps without thinking about someone else's checkbook or lunch money. I don't believe in joint accounts. Will he?
There's so much to it than just living with and loving someone until you die. What if i own a house? What if he owns a house? What if he doesn't like my dog? What if he has kids? What if he doesn't want kids? What if he snores? What if i snore?
My brain hurts now. This is why i don't think about this. It's really pointless to do so unless you have to. Especially the stuff you have no control over.
What if this guy chews with his mouth open?
Ha ha ha. This will be an interesting date.