To sleep the sleep of the dead....

Well, without actually being dead of course. I don't want to die necessarily. I just would like a few good nights of uninterrupted 8 hours at least of sleep. And i would like to have this for at least 3 months. So, 90 days of interrupted 8 hours at least of sleep. See, i'm struggling with frequent and prolonged bouts of insomnia. Incredibly annoying insomnia. The kind that keeps you up at night but also up during the day because you are so tired you can't vision sleep at some point.
I hate it when i am sleep deprived. With the deprivation comes thoughts that i am too exhausted to keep away. What if i had married that boy? What if my parents were still together? If i had to do over, what would i have done with my life? These are things that i know i have no control over now so why bother to have them even take up space in my brain? I don't know. But for some reason when i can't sleep and only when i can't sleep, my past is constantly walking behind me. Like that lady in the Roserem commercial and her rainbow colored unicorn is walking behind her. I wonder how much this stuff affects who i am -- even how i am.
I have been sleeping badly for about a year now. Off and on for a few months at a time but mostly the sleeping has been more off than on. I wonder some days how i function, and am almost to the point to where i don't function.
So this weekend, i embark on a mission. This is the first Saturday in three months that i don't have to work and so i will sleep. I will try very very hard to sleep. My goal this weekend is to sleep the sleep of the dead........minus that whole heart-not-beating-thing.