Dig deeper

Ok. I have never really truly been able to get over my parents divorce. I thought i was good. I thought i was ok. It's been 16 years after all, but that situation still keeps my guard up. Still causes me to doubt myself and others. That divorce and everything that led up to it has become the biggest factor in who i am today.
I want so badly to not be there. I want to be whole and healed. I did not realize that i still hold a lot of resentment toward both of my parents for how things turned out and most of all for how they helped shape me. I think that's what i resent most of all. I had virtually no say in who i became. I didn't even realize who i was until my 20's. I'm just now realizing how that has affected me so far. I want to change that. I want to make it better. I don't want to be one of those people who blames other people for who they are and how they are. If i am who i am, i want it to be because i chose to be this person. And even more than that, i want to be a person who makes a positive difference in the lives of others. It is truly a miracle that i am not a toxic person. I thank God for that every single day.
So, i have not had my quiet time since my little transgression. I need to do it again. I need to spend that time again. I have to know and understand that God the Father will continue to take care of me. Is taking care of me. No matter what. He looks past the sin. He looks into the heart of the sinner, and loves them inspite of. I will be ok. I will be ok. The person he has for me is out there somewhere getting whole and healed himself.......i hope.