More to it

I can't believe that so much has come through that one revelation. It was so overwhelming I couldn't sleep last nite. Now i am wondering how to go about increasing my faith with the knowledge that i have. This has answered so many questions for me. I have not been happy because i doubted God's ability to make me happy. I didn't try certain things because i doubted God's ability to intervene. That's why this year was so important to me. That's why i know that when i meet the person that i will marry, it will be appointed by God. Because i believe differently about what i expect God to do for me. Everything in life that has happened to me got blamed on my not praying hard enough or not believing hard enough and all of that went back to my prayers for my parents. This has explained why i have dated so many emotionally unavailable men. Deep down, i did not believe that there was better. My dad was emotionally unavailable to my mom. My mom never really loved my dad. So how do you do what you don't see? You tell a child to draw a tree, and if the child has never seen a tree, you could get a house. I'm trying to see the tree, and all of the beauty that it brings.
It was (and still is) so hard for me to say that I will be happy someday. I've been so unhappy for so long that i never believed that i would be happy. Only content. Only settled.
But God.....
He has intervened and made me realize that my life is worth the fight. That everything bad that happens is not because of Him. Sometimes it's because of us. I wonder now though, where do i go with this? How do i continue to make it grow? How do i continue to move forward and not go backward?
I want more than anything to be happy. That's all i've ever wanted. So much of my life even now is not making me happy. Choices i have made have changed my frame of mind.
God loves me enough to want me to be better. God loves me enough to send me what i need to be better, and it has come in different forms, different people, different situations. I know that everything leads to something else. Be it bad or be it good. One thing leads to another. God loves me enough to want me to be happy, and He will do whatever it takes to help me to get there. I'm thankful that even when i give up. God does not give up on me.