GPS--- God Positioning Saints

This morning Bob says to me "Over the past couple of weeks, I'm not sure who you are." I said, "Good. Hopefully, in another couple of weeks i will be an entirely different person, but for the better."
There are some things floating around in my brain --- in my heart that never used to float there before. I am one of the rare bodies who can say that i really am okay being single for as long as i need to be. For me it means that God knows that i'm not ready, and the bottom line is, i'm okay with that. Heaven forbid i walk into something that i am not ready for when i should have marinated just a little while longer. Or worse yet, he should have marinated just a little while longer. Having said that, i will be single for as long as it takes for God to position me and/or my future husband to where we need to be together.
Now, having said that, i don't believe that the things that have me so discontent have come from God. I don't think that all of this is supposed to make me discontent, but to observe, make mental notes and adjust myself accordingly.
I am, by nature an emotional person. I wish all the time that i could change that. I wish that i could not allow things to affect me so incredibly deeply, but they do. It is the nature of a woman, it is the nature of me. For the most part, i have learned to deal with it. Say what needs to be said if it needs to be said and move on. If it doesn't, then i clam up.
This whole marriage thing has gotten me a little discontent. Mostly because i am so afraid of it. I am pretty thankful that there has not been even the possibility of marriage in my brief dating lifetime. I was not ready. I'm still not ready. But the thought has been floating, floating. The idea has been kicked around as i watch all of these married people deal with their married problems. I am so thankful for the ones that are open and honest about the good, the bad and the ugly of marriage. I appreciate their honesty and willingness to talk about it.
Through the recent spiritual revelations that have been given to me, i feel that God is positioning me. I don't necessarily feel like it is for marriage, but he is positioning me to move. Not literally of course. But to move. He is moving me. He is moving me to a higher place of faith. Moving me to put my faith and trust more deeply in Him. To not have so much faith in the prayers of a 6, 7, 8 year old girl who couldn't possibly understand the dynamics of her parents relationship. Moving me to believe beyond what i could possibly dream of for myself. Believe in Him and what He has to offer and give me. Not what i can "create" for myself. I have spent so much time trying to MAKE myself believe the things that as a christian should be a natural given ability. He's moving me to make it more natural. To go with the flow that He has created. And if in the process, i move the wrong way or go the wrong direction, He will redirect me like any good GPS device should.
"You missed your turn. Turn left at the next intersection to be rerouted to your destination." I get tears just thinking about it. (although everything makes me cry these days) God loves me so much that He is taking this route to increase my faith in Him. To make it easier on me. It will be so much easier if i just BELIEVE. Leave it all to Him and follow the GPS. No worries. No questions. Just turn where He says turn, and try not to get distracted by the things along the way so that i miss my turn.
I do believe that God wants what's best for me. I do believe that everything, EVERYTHING works together for the good of them that love the Lord. But i must put my belief into action. I must praise Him through this so that i can praise Him in the end. I have to be movable or else i will make everything harder than it should be.
I am being broken so that i can be better. It hurts like hell, but i appreciate it so much.
God is positioning me.