A Letter to You

I never dreamed in a million years that our paths would cross again. I thought that door was shut forever, and was prepared to deal with forever. I wondered how you were. What you were doing. If you were happy. Were you thinking about me too?
There are so many things that i do regret in my life, but you have never been one of them. I don't regret how i dealt with you. I don't regret what i said. I do regret that for everytime you explained to me that i didn't "get it", you didn't either. I love just as hard. And for me that means being a part of your life however terrible it is. However wonderful it is. I got it. I completely understood it. Every single part of it. But those were the parts that you didn't want to let me into, and i truly could not handle that. It's weird, even though i understood it, it was hard. It was hard to not get that piece of you. It made me sad more than it made me mad. I am sorry for any undue stress that may have been caused by me. I'm sorry that you felt the way you did in the end. I never meant to seem uncaring or unkind. I don't want to see you hurt anymore than you want to see me hurt. I'm sorry you felt as though i was being insulting in certain ways. I most certainly was not. Not by any means. I can see how it could be perceived that way, and i'm sorry for that.
I wish things could be different, but not in the way you might think. I wish love and happiness to you no matter what. I pray for peace and strength for you so that you can hang on for as long as you need to, to whatever you need to.
I'm getting to be ok. Not quite there yet, but i will be.....eventually. I wouldn't trade the past 4 months for anything though except for maybe forever. If forever never happens, then at least i know where we are. Where we stand. That we're good no matter what. I know that. I hope you know that.
I'm sorry it had to be so bad in the end. That was not my intention. I hate that it is the way that it is. That may be my only regret. Nothing about your life is a joke to me. Nothing about what you're going through is a joke to me.
Know that i will always be there to scratch your back if you need it.

Missing you lots
xxx
ooo